Softening to Change: Riding the Waves, Not Fighting Them

Change is one of life’s constants, inevitable whether we’re talking about a new season, career, or personal transformation. And yet, it’s something many of us instinctively resist. We brace against it, hold on tight, or wish it away. But what if the key to navigating change isn’t fighting it but softening into it? What if, instead of resisting the inevitable, we could ride the wave of change, letting it flow through us, around us, and toward new horizons?

The Nature of Change

At its core, change can feel uncomfortable. It disrupts our routines, challenges our expectations, and forces us to adapt. For many, this uncertainty breeds anxiety. We fear what we can’t control, what we don’t know. In an attempt to avoid these discomforts, we fight, push back, or dig our heels in.

However, change isn’t inherently harmful. It’s a natural process, an opportunity for growth, renewal, and new experiences. The problem lies in how we approach change — often with resistance, defiance, and struggle.

The Power of Softening

What does it mean to "soften" to change? It’s about shifting our mindset. Instead of viewing change as an adversary, we start to see it as an ally — a force that, while sometimes unsettling, can help us evolve. Softening involves acceptance, openness, and allowing ourselves to move with, rather than against, change.

When we soften to change, we embrace the uncertainty that comes with it. We make room for exploration and possibility. Rather than forcing outcomes, we trust in the process. By doing so, we free ourselves from the burden of constant resistance, and we allow ourselves to be present for the unfolding journey.

The Metaphor of Riding the Waves

Think of life as an ocean, with change being the waves that rise and fall. Waves can be daunting — tall, powerful, unpredictable. But they don’t have to overwhelm us. If we try to fight the wave, we may be knocked over, exhausted by the struggle. If we attempt to avoid it entirely, we risk missing out on the beauty and thrill of the ocean.

But we can harness its energy if we learn to ride the wave. By adjusting our stance, breathing through the swell, and trusting in the motion, we find ourselves surfing instead of drowning. The wave becomes a tool, a force that carries us rather than drags us under. This is the essence of softening to change: riding it, not fighting it.

Cultivating the Mindset of Softness

To soften to change, we need to cultivate a mindset that embraces flexibility and adaptability. Here are some strategies for doing just that:

1. Shift Your Perspective: Instead of seeing change as something that disrupts your life, try reframing it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this? How can this make me stronger or wiser?"

2. Practice Acceptance: Let go of the need to control everything. Accept that change is inevitable and sometimes beyond our influence. Trust that life will unfold as it should, even if it’s not according to your plans.

3. Stay Present: Don’t get too caught up in what the change might bring or how it might end. Focus on the present moment and ride the wave as it happens. This reduces anxiety and opens up space for clarity.

4. Embrace Curiosity: Approach change with curiosity, like an explorer in unknown territory. What new possibilities does this change offer? How can you adapt, grow, or evolve through it?

5. Cultivate Resilience: Softening to change doesn’t mean being passive. It means developing the resilience to bend without breaking. Build your emotional toolkit so you can handle whatever change brings with grace and strength.

6. Trust the Process: Sometimes, we must trust that even if we don’t understand the why or how of change, it’s leading us toward something better. Have faith that life is moving you in the right direction, even if you can't see it immediately.

The Benefits of Softening to Change

When we soften to change, we experience a host of benefits:

• Increased Flexibility: By letting go of rigid expectations, we can move more fluidly through life, adapting easily to whatever comes our way.

• Lower Stress: Fighting change creates tension and anxiety. Softening, on the other hand, brings peace and acceptance, reducing stress levels.

• Greater Growth: Change is the fertile soil in which growth occurs. When we soften to it, we open ourselves to learning, expanding, and becoming better versions of ourselves.

• Improved Relationships: When we stop resisting the changes in our lives, we become more adaptable in our relationships. We are more willing to support others through their own transformations, fostering deeper connections.

Bend with the motion

Change is not the enemy; it’s simply a force that’s constantly in motion. When we fight it, we exhaust ourselves, and we miss out on its potential for transformation. But when we soften to change, we allow ourselves to ride the waves with grace, curiosity, and resilience.

So, the next time change comes knocking, instead of bracing for battle, take a deep breath, soften your stance, and ride the wave. Trust that it’s leading you to exactly where you need to be. Life is waiting for you to flow with it, not against it.

Navigating Life's Waters: The Sailboat Metaphor for Personal Growth

Life often feels like a journey across vast and unpredictable waters. The sailboat metaphor beautifully captures this experience, offering a powerful framework for understanding personal growth, challenges, and resilience. Just as a sailboat navigates the open sea, adjusting its sails to catch the wind and steering through both calm and stormy weather, we too must navigate the currents of our lives, making adjustments along the way to stay on course.

The Sailboat as a Symbol of Self

Imagine yourself as a sailboat, each part representing a different aspect of your being. The hull of the boat symbolizes your core—the essence of who you are, your values, and your beliefs. This sturdy foundation is what keeps you afloat, even in the roughest seas. The sails represent your goals, ambitions, and the energy you put into moving forward in life. They capture the wind, which symbolizes external forces like opportunities, challenges, and changes that influence your journey.

The rudder of the sailboat is your decision-making ability, guiding you in the direction you wish to go. It allows you to steer toward your desired destination, whether that’s personal happiness, professional success, or meaningful relationships. The compass, often found on a sailboat, represents your inner guidance—your intuition, wisdom, and sense of purpose. Together, these elements create a complete vessel, equipped to journey through the unpredictable waters of life.

Adjusting the Sails: Embracing Change and Challenges

One of the most critical aspects of sailing is knowing how to adjust the sails to catch the wind. In life, this translates to being adaptable and flexible in the face of change. Winds can shift suddenly, just as circumstances in life can change without warning. A skilled sailor doesn’t fight against the wind but rather adjusts the sails to harness its power and move forward.

Similarly, personal growth requires us to embrace change, even when it’s uncomfortable. Challenges, setbacks, and unexpected events are like storms at sea—they can be daunting, but they also present opportunities for growth. By adjusting our sails—our mindset, approach, and actions—we can navigate through these storms and come out stronger on the other side.

The Rudder and the Compass: Staying True to Your Course

While the wind may push you in different directions, it’s the rudder that helps you stay on course. In life, this represents your ability to make conscious decisions that align with your values and goals. The rudder requires a steady hand, just as we need focus and determination to steer our lives in the right direction.

Your inner compass—your intuition and sense of purpose—guides these decisions. It helps you stay true to your course, even when the waters are rough or the destination seems far away. Trusting this inner guidance is essential for navigating life’s challenges and maintaining a sense of direction.

Anchoring in Calm Waters: The Importance of Rest and Reflection

Every sailor knows the importance of finding calm waters to anchor in, to rest and reflect before continuing the journey. In life, these moments of stillness are equally crucial. Taking time to pause, reflect on your progress, and recharge your energy is vital for sustained personal growth.

Anchoring doesn’t mean stopping; it’s about finding a safe space to regain your strength and clarity before setting sail again. It’s in these moments that you can assess your journey, make any necessary adjustments, and prepare for the next leg of the voyage.

The Journey, Not the Destination

Ultimately, the sailboat metaphor reminds us that life is about the journey, not just the destination. Each wave, gust of wind, and change in the weather contributes to your growth and resilience. The journey shapes who you are and how you navigate the world. Embracing this perspective allows you to find meaning and fulfilment, regardless of where the winds take you.

So, as you continue on your journey, remember to adjust your sails, trust your rudder and compass, and take time to anchor in calm waters. Life’s seas are vast and unpredictable, but with the right mindset and tools, you can navigate them with grace and purpose.

Concept credit:

Alberts, H.J.E.M. (2016). The Sailboat. Maastricht: Positive Psychology Program.

The author wishes to thank Lisa Sansom, Rene Brauer, Julian Bradley, Barbara Kuiters, Kim van

Oorsouw, Laurens Alberts and Dorien Hodiamont for their valuable comments and suggestions.